December 15
Like everyone, Facebook Friends, The Jourmudgeon has had his usually joyous holiday season sobered by the potential threat to democracy posed by the emergence of “fake news.” These are “stories” that go viral on the internet and social media but have no basis in fact. Thousands – sometimes millions – of readers and viewers are said to accept them as gospel. Emboldened by their success, the perpetrators of these “stories” have upped their game, offering ever more outrageous fodder. Fortunately, even given the emergence of the rapidly growing and increasingly powerful Gullible Bloc of voters, the claims of most of these fake news stories are so ridiculous that even the most minimally discriminating news consumer will be able to recognize them immediately for what they are. Only an idiot would believe the “information” in them. Still, as a public service, The Jourmudgeon feels compelled to offer examples of the most egregious fake news stories of the past several weeks:
1. Donald Trump, a compulsive liar, sexual predator, egomaniac and wannabe business tycoon who has declared bankruptcy several times and has never held public office, was elected President of the United States.
2. Mr. Trump will be sworn in in January even after garnering almost three million fewer votes than Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton, because of something called the Electoral College. (Incredibly, numerous mainstream news outlets have republished Fake News Stories 1 and 2.)
3. The nation’s intelligence communities have concluded that Russia hacked computers in both political parties before the election and then leaked what it found in Democrats’ files to help ensure that Mr. Trump got elected. Here again, numerous news media outlets and bloggers were complicit by publishing the leaked material. Congress responded by ordering an investigation. Mr. Trump responded by ridiculing the intelligence communities.
4. Mr. Trump is a huge fan of Russian President Vladimir Putin, despite Mr. Putin’s having overseen the killing of countless civilians in Syria, including children, aid workers and people in hospitals.
5. Mr. Trump appointed a man named RExxon TillExxon as Exxontary of State. Mr. TillExxon’s job will be to continue sucking up to Mr. Putin, whom he has known for 20 years, and to end sanctions against Russia that have interfered with Exxon Mobil’s profit margins.
6. Mr. Trump has made several other appointments to cabinet posts and top administration advisorships that are the equivalent of picking book burners to run the Library of Congress. Among the nominees are an Attorney General who believes that equal rights should be distributed unequally, an EPA Administrator who denies human-caused climate change, an Education Secretary who doesn’t like public education, a Housing and Urban Development Secretary who doesn’t like public housing, a Labor Secretary who isn’t wild about increasing the minimum wage for laborers, a doctor to run Health and Human Services who thinks the poor should be neither healthy, nor human, nor served, and several top economic advisors who are former investment bankers with Goldman Sachs, which helped drive the economy into a ditch in 2008.
7. Mr. Trump also nominated a man with a bachelor’s degree in animal science (cattle, basically) to oversee the nation’s nuclear weaponry development and security program. In a debate several years ago, the same man tried to advocate eliminating the department he has been tapped to run, but he couldn’t remember its name.
8. Mr. Trump has surrounded himself with informal advisors who include three interchangeable spokesmodels variously identified as his wife, daughter or daughter-in-law, and who look like they all decided to go as Linda Evans on “Dynasty” for Halloween and then forgot to change out of their costumes.
9. Democrats claimed to have finally gotten the message to focus more on the economic plight of working class people in the Midwest. They demonstrated their resolve by reappointing the same tone-deaf East- and West-Coast-based party leaders who cost them both houses of Congress and the 2016 presidential election.
10. Green Party Presidential candidate Jill Stein, who lost Michigan and Wisconsin to Mr. Trump by just 4.2 million votes to 82,000, demanded a recount in both states. The Wisconsin result showed Mr. Trump got 131 more votes than the original tally.
11. Fidel Castro was cremated in Cuba. Unfortunately, officials waited to do so until he was dead, which was about five and a half decades too late.
12. Finally, the International Olympic Committee paved the way for Cheerleading to become an Olympic sport. By the 2024 Olympics we should also see Spectating and Leering at Cheerleaders While Inebriated become Olympic sports.
On second thought, Facebook Friends, since the examples above illustrate how easy it is to spot fake news stories because they are so preposterous, The Jourmudgeon is confident that democracy has nothing to worry about as the New Year approaches. Happy Holidays.
