Jan. 19, 2018: Analyzing Rubbery Foundations: An Ethical Stretch? Feb. 17, 2018: That was the week that was — again

Jan. 28, 2018: The sublime to the ridiculous

Posted by richardsonb on Jan 28, 2018 in Stretching a Little | 1 comment

The Jourmudgeon and his spouse finally visited the National D-Day Memorial in Bedford, Va., last week, years after they should have. They were moved to tears by the sacrifice it commemorates, the willingness of men and women of many nations to give up their lives to save the world, the stoicism of their families to accept that sacrifice and the price they paid as a result. (The little town of Bedford endured an appalling loss of its sons in the first wave to hit the Normandy beaches on June 6, 1944.) When The Jourmudgeons thought about where their country is now, though, the tears of sadness and gratitude turned to tears of outrage and frustration. Did those millions of brave men and women who served, including The Jourmudgeon’s father, make their sacrifices so that we could now be led by the preening, opportunistic, self-aggrandizing bigot in the White House, his craven minions and their ineffectual opponents in Congress? Did those brave sons of Bedford and all the others suffer and die for a bully and his trembling, sycophantic enablers? After spending a half hour of the drive home fearful even of turning on the afternoon news, The Jourmudgeon finally chastised himself for his cowardice, and resolved to learn the lesson of those who are honored in Bedford: Stop whining. Fight back. Persevere. Work and sacrifice for a better day. Do your duty. Vote. And so to the news:

President Trump issued an executive order naming new National Synonyms for Black and White. The new synonym for white is “Norway.” The new synonym for black is “shithole.” The president also revealed his bold new immigration strategy: Accept more immigrants from Norway, and reject immigrants from “shithole” countries. “Shithole” countries, the president explained, are Haiti and the nations of Africa. His Trumpist Party suckups in Congress denied the president said any such thing, at the same time his White House minders claimed the president had said “shithouse” instead of “shithole.” People who had initially been outraged and offended breathed a huge sigh of relief, because having the president of the United States use “shithouse” instead of “shithole” as a synonym for black obviously makes a big difference.
Democrats and some Republicans briefly shut down the government over the fate of the Dreamers, young immigrants who were brought to the U.S. illegally by their parents. The Democrats acted after polls showed nearly nine in 10 Americans support the Dreamers, and think they should be allowed to remain here. But the Democrats backed down, and the government reopened, after a majority in a second poll said, “Hey, we don’t like them that much. Where did you guys get that idea?” Meanwhile, when he wasn’t talking about shithole countries, President Trump sent clear signals to Congress about what he thinks should happen to the Dreamers: They should be allowed to stay. They should be deported immediately. They are fine people. They are thieves and murderers. He will sign any deal Congress strikes that protects the Dreamers. He won’t sign any deal that Congress strikes that protects the Dreamers. Any deal must involve a border wall. A deal does not necessarily need to include a border wall. “Are any of these guys Norwegian?” he asked at one point.
Trumpists in Congress moved to shut down investigations into Russian efforts to cock the 2016 elections, and possible collusion with them by the Trump campaign. In trying to torpedo the investigations the Trumpists cited the danger that the investigations might actually be getting somewhere. They also attempted to discredit the special counsel, Robert Mueller, by pointing out that several of Mueller’s investigators had once visited New York, the very state Hillary Clinton represented in the U.S. Senate, and that they live in the United States, the very country Hillary Clinton tried to become the president of. The nation was further rocked by Trumpist Party revelations that former FBI Director James Comey is six feet, eight inches tall, within two inches of the exact height of former NBA star Charles Barkley, who not only is shithole but who has been known to criticize the president. Trump-eters everywhere who had spent months characterizing the investigations as a Democratic witch hunt felt vindicated by such incontrovertible proof, forgetting for the moment that Comey and Mueller are both Republicans, and that Comey’s re-opening of a probe into Clinton’s email habits on the eve of the 2016 election was almost certainly a factor in her loss to Trump.
The New York Times and The Washington Post revealed that Trump last summer had ordered Mueller fired, but that the president backed down when his own lawyer threatened to quit if Trump followed through. Trump called the stories “fake news.” “Robert Mueller is five feet, eleven inches tall, which is within seven inches of the exact height of Hillary Clinton, and he served in the Marines in Vietnam, which I believe is a foreign country, and the Marines’ motto says something about the shores of Tripoli, which I also believe is a foreign country, possibly a shithole country,” Trump said. “So any story that says I was going to fire him because of his investigation is totally, yuuuge-ly, bee-yoo-tifully false.”
Wal-Mart announced that, in the wake of the new corporate tax cut, it would give raises, bonuses, and better benefits to many of its employees. The price tag for the largesse: $700 million. The company also said it would spend almost six times that much — $4 billion, with a B — to buy back shares in the company, which would make its shareholders, the biggest of whom are rich already, even richer. Nonetheless, the higher wages and bonuses were good news to the employees, except for the thousands who will be laid off from the 63 Sam’s Club stores the company also announced it is closing.
The public Outrage-ometer soared when it was revealed that two new refrigeration units for Air Force One will cost taxpayers – except for corporate taxpayers, of course — $24 million. The vitriol was tempered somewhat when government procurement officials pointed out that each refrigerator will include two ice trays, room for an entire case of Diet Coke, and a place to store bodies. Frankly, The Jourmudgeon does not think the price tag is out of line. The Jourmudgeons have been planning a kitchen renovation, and from what the Kitchen Professionals at Home Depot, Lowe’s, and a couple of local (a synonym for “disorganized”) outfits assure us, a reliable refrigerator will run us exactly $24 million, without the ice maker, and will conform to the rule of thumb of being about 10 percent of the total cost of the renovation. (Factoid: In order to become a Certified Kitchen Professional, you have to first serve a 10-year apprenticeship as a life insurance salesman.)