May 29, 2017

Friends, The Jourmudgeon joined millions of his countrymen this week in a collective sigh of relief as President Trump returned from his first overseas trip without a single thermonuclear device raining down on our nation. By that measure, and the fact that Mr. Trump usually managed to avoid dunking his Donald Trump Made in China Make America Great Again tie in his soup during state dinners, the trip was judged a howling success. It must be acknowledged that the president left the prime minister of Montenegro a tad grumpy by shoving him out of the way during a photo op, but what the hell is Montenegro, anyway? It sounds like one of those prissy European sports cars. And so to the news:

1. Magnanimously overlooking numerous previous statements by Mr. Trump that Muslims are murderous people who are to blame for everything, Saudi King Salman presented him with the coveted Thank You for Not Mentioning Women or Human Rights Award. It carries with it a prize of 57 virgins for Mr. Trump to – The Jourmudgeon apologizes. The Jourmudgeon was confusing Mr. Trump’s prize with one the Saudis routinely promise to another group of people whose achievements they also like. Instead of the virgins, Mr. Trump had to settle for a few more hotels in Riyadh with his name on them.
2. A couple of days later in Israel Mr. Trump received an equally warm welcome. Not to be outdone by the Saudis, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu presented Mr. Trump with Netanyahu’s inaugural Hey, You’re Not That Black Guy Award, as Mr. Trump promised closer cooperation with Israel in wiping Palestinians off the face of the earth.
3. At the end of his stay in the Middle East, Mr. Trump revealed a bold initiative to replace the failed Two State Solution with something he, Netanyahu and King Salman all promised to embrace. Called the Three Flaming Assholes Who Hate Barack Obama Plan, it was seen by supporters and critics alike as a workable framework for establishing ground rules for the leaders’ next Who Has the Biggest Willie contest.
4. Curiously, Mr. Trump received a somewhat cooler reception in Europe, where he scolded NATO leaders for not meeting their goal of spending 2 percent of their national budgets on defense. For some reason, the leaders questioned Mr. Trump’s moral authority to lecture them on fiscal responsibility and keeping financial promises. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/26/world/europe/trump-europe-g7.html?emc=edit_th_20170527&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=27174500
5. On his way to the airport for his overseas trip, Mr. Trump dropped his long-awaited federal budget proposal in a mailbox, addressed to “whoever it is I’m supposed to send this to.” Among its highlights: It counts the same $2 trillion twice and it proposes deep cuts to the Food Stamp program as an initiative to get people off welfare. The document ignores that most people who receive Food Stamps have jobs but need federal assistance because those jobs pay so little that they can’t make ends meet. Mr. Trump’s proposed budget does not call for increasing the minimum wage. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/25/opinion/donald-trump-budget.html?emc=edit_th_20170525&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=27174500
6. As they snickered at Mr. Trump’s budget, busy Senate Republicans also began looking over the “Trumpcare” health insurance overhaul passed by their counterparts in the House. Under the plan, 23 million people would eventually lose health insurance, Medicaid would suffer deep cuts — violating a Trump campaign promise — the wealthy would get hundreds of billions of dollars in tax breaks, premiums would skyrocket for many of the sickest Americans, subsidies to the elderly and poor would be cut sharply, federal spending on medical research would be slashed, and large employers would no longer be fined for not offering health insurance to their employees. Senate Republicans said they were having trouble determining whether these provisions were a good idea. https://www.nytimes.com/video/us/politics/100000005126125/fact-check-the-updated-gop-health-care-bill.html?action=click&gtype=vhs&version=vhs-heading&module=vhs&region=title-area
7. In Montana or Idaho or one of those other Great Big Western Places with Not Many People, voters wrestled with their choice for the state’s sole allotted member of Congress. The race featured two highly qualified candidates – Democrat Rob Quist, a country music singer fond of dodging taxes, and Republican Greg Gianforte, an obnoxious software magnate who had lost the governor’s race a year earlier. The contestants remained tied through the Swimsuit Competition, even though Mr. Quist handily won the Mr. Congeniality award. Observers said the deadlock was finally broken on Talent Night. Just as Mr. Quist, the Democrat, appeared to have scored points by performing a duet with his daughter at a nudist camp, Republican Mr. Gianforte swept past him by body slamming a “liberal” journalist who had dared to ask him a question. Reassuringly, the same state that nominated Messrs. Quist and Gianforte is allotted two United States senators. Party leaders will no doubt find equally qualified candidates for those seats.   https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/26/opinion/greg-gianforte-montana-trump-democrats.html?emc=edit_th_20170527&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=27174500&_r=0
8. The Justice Department finally agreed to appoint a special counsel to get to the bottom of whether President Trump allowed Vladimir Putin to get to third with him, the First Lady, Ivanka, Jared, Jeff Sessions, Michael Flynn and a Secret Service agent in the back seat of a Lada at Moscow International Airport. Republican Congressional leaders reacted enthusiastically to the appointment in a series of public statements, averring that it was about time that the President was called to task for ignoring the rule of law, playing fast and loose with national security, and – oh, wait, The Jourmudgeon must apologize again. It seems these kinds of allegations are to be aimed only at Bill or Hillary Clinton. With Mr. Trump, the Republican leaders kept their mouths shut, because it’s apparently okay if a Republican does it.   https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/25/opinion/republican-hypocrisy-hall-of-fame.html?emc=edit_th_20170525&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=27174500
9. Actor Roger Moore died. He played 007 – get ready – seven times, more than any other actor. Mr. Moore also broke important new ground in the fight against discrimination by tackling head-on the question “So why can’t James Bond be played by an old slow fat guy?”